By Eunice Mejiadeu
It is 5 a.m., Monday. I walk downstairs for our traditional morning preaching, which I know
may sound strange, but that is what my family has always done. Decked out in my Hello
Kitty pajamas, I head for the dining room table, consumed by the urge to rush back to
bed; my demeanor changes with one glance at my father. While I can’t put my finger on
it, something is different today.
As I sit down, my father says to my sister and me "just because we are black does not
mean we are African-American." My urge to sleep fades and curiosity forms. What
divides me, a black African woman, from a black American woman? At the age of eight,
questions about race and identity formed, and thus began my quest to learn about
African-American culture and what it means to be black.
The concept of race has always been so foreign to me. Where I was born in Cameroon, Africa,
everyone was "black." Communities didn't form based on color, but out of culture, tribes,
or religion. But, once I moved to America, I quickly found out that was not the case. The
drive to learn about African-American culture and identity stemmed from my selfish
desire to find out where I fit in. Through my research, the word “stereotypes” appeared
for the first time in my vocabulary. These stereotypes depict African-Americans as
savages. Black women are overly sexualized, and black men are fetishized.
Because of these stereotypes, I believed that being a black-American meant I liked
mean we are African-American." My urge to sleep fades and curiosity forms. What
divides me, a black African woman, from a black American woman? At the age of eight,
questions about race and identity formed, and thus began my quest to learn about
African-American culture and what it means to be black.
The concept of race has always been so foreign to me. Where I was born in Cameroon, Africa,
everyone was "black." Communities didn't form based on color, but out of culture, tribes,
or religion. But, once I moved to America, I quickly found out that was not the case. The
drive to learn about African-American culture and identity stemmed from my selfish
desire to find out where I fit in. Through my research, the word “stereotypes” appeared
for the first time in my vocabulary. These stereotypes depict African-Americans as
savages. Black women are overly sexualized, and black men are fetishized.
Because of these stereotypes, I believed that being a black-American meant I liked
watermelon and fried chicken, spoke a certain way, or lived a particular lifestyle. All
these stereotypes and biases made me question my validity as a black person. All that
“research” just ended up confusing me more, and it fed into my ignorance, which led to
my internalized racism.
It wasn’t until I started high school that I met other black students like myself who had
struggled to define their blackness. I soon realized there was no fundamental difference
between being a black African woman and a black American woman. In this world, my
skin will come first. The ignorance I had developed over the years is common amongst
my peers, both white and black, and adults. Doing research wasn't enough. I joined the
debate team and focused on Afro-Pessimism, a contemporary framework on blackness,
and started the Black Student Union.
-Eunice Mejiadeu is a senior at Handley. She plans to continue studying racial identity
and social justice in college. This piece is excerpted from her college application essays.
and social justice in college. This piece is excerpted from her college application essays.
